MY STORY
“God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” James 1:12
Betrayal By a Righteous Father
My story begins when I faced a deep sense of betrayal from my father during my younger years. Our relationship was incredibly special; I admired him as my hero, and no other man ever measured up. I proudly identified as my dad’s “little Marine.” I was convinced that my future lay in the Marine Corps. I hoped to make him proud. During this tumultuous time, my parents began attending a home church I called “Marriage Class.” The pastor there genuinely pursued my father. He guided my parents toward encountering Christ. This brought restoration to our family.
One day, my father approached me and said, “Angie, you are a beautiful young woman of God. Will you forgive me for raising you as my “little Marine.” I release you to be who God created you to be.” At that moment, I felt a profound sense of betrayal. He had molded me toward the Marine Corps for as long as I could remember. Now he was asking me to embrace a new identity. I felt completely lost trying to understand this new part of myself. Was he really telling me a false version of who I am? How can I figure out what is genuinely true for me now? My love for my dad made me want to make the right choices. However, I was overwhelmed by what this new identity was supposed to look like.
As I grew older, the anger and rebelliousness within me deepened, gradually surfacing in my behavior. It felt unauthentic and at odds with who I thought, I was. How was I to embrace something I didn’t understand? Eventually, I understood that I needed to break free from my expectations, yet I found myself holding on. Why was that? I was familiar with being a marine. However, what did it mean and look like to be a woman of God? I felt like I was caught in a tug-of-war. My heart was divided. I wrestled with the challenge of letting go. I was unsure of which path truly represented my true self. The greatest lie I believed was the concept that embracing my new identity in Christ meant abandoning everything I knew. I thought I had to disregard who I was. But my understanding wasn’t His truth! God transforms and refines our former selves into individuals we were meant to be. I believed this lie for many years.
My parents decided to move our family far away from the world of Sodom. They embraced the promises and will of God. As they turned from their old ways of life, I felt stripped of everything familiar to me. I thought I was leaving behind the positive aspects that shaped my identity. Although it wasn’t a healthy identity, it was all I had ever known. Honesty, I felt like it was what I deserved. This left me questioning my identity: who am I without Sodom? I attended church with my parents, yet the memories and desires of Sodom lingered in my heart and mind.
Divorcing my Soul From my Spirit
In my twenties, I found something I enjoyed doing: Spanish dancing at various clubs. I shouldn’t have been visiting these places at all. I convinced myself it was OK as long as I wasn’t drinking or getting involved with anyone. I convinced myself I was ultimately there for the music and dancing. One weekend, when my friends were unavailable, they suggested a friend of a friend that I go dancing with. I didn’t know them very well, but I figured, what would go wrong? To give you some context, this happened before the era of cell phones. I was fully aware of the dangers of riding with strangers. I hadn’t done this before, yet my eagerness to dance clouded my judgment. I then found myself in an unfamiliar part of the City. We stood in line to enter the club. A sense of unease washed over me. I continued to brush it aside. As soon as I walked through the door, I felt like my spirit was being pulled in two directions. A part of me screamed that I shouldn’t be there!
It dawned on me that I had walked into a gay club. I felt trapped in a situation I never intended to be in. The deeper I ventured, the more my spirit felt heavy. It seemed as if I were fracturing with every step. The whispers of doubt grew louder, taunting me, “You can’t leave now; what will people think? What will your dad say? You’re mine!” My mind raced with panic. I stood frozen and pleaded, “Please take me home. I don’t want to be here!” We were far from home, and they urged me not to cause a scene. Regrettably, I succumbed and stayed. The girl insisted, “Please pretend to be my girlfriend.” I resisted at first, but eventually, I gave in. I don’t drink. But that night, I felt as if everything within me was unraveling. I sought solace in alcohol to numb my terrible predicament. I should have run, but I didn’t because of the lies of shame and a feeling of possibly belonging. I woke up the next morning in a stranger’s house, returning home feeling utterly lifeless.
I felt like I divorced the Holy Spirit. Now, my desire and my flesh control my heart, mind, will, and emotions. It was an incredibly frightening experience because my eyes and desire had been unleashed… I was now bound to the heart of the city of “Sodom.” Something else controlled my desires. An endless door was open into my life. I couldn’t shut my eyes, thoughts, and desires down. Galatians 5:19-21 states, “When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God.” This Pandora’s box lay wide open before me. Despite my best efforts, I found it impossible to shut the doors I opened. Then, out of nowhere, I heard a voice. It said, “You’re welcome. Now you are becoming who you were meant to be.”
After that experience, I found myself overwhelmed by every temptation and longing imaginable. It was as if I were trapped in quicksand, with no escape in sight. In my struggle, I surrendered to my impulses and it took me deeper and deeper into Sodom. I began engaging in numerous casual relationships with men. I tried to convince myself that my identity wasn’t being a lesbian. I wanted to prove it to myself. I tried to pull myself together on my own. I was convinced that I had strayed too far into sin to step foot in a church. There were moments when I desperately wanted to cry out to my dad for help. But I held back because I feared he would reject me or be disappointed. So instead, I chose hell!
Breaking Free From Sodom
I faced a choice, just like everyone else! I started my journey of breaking free from Sodom by admitting I had a problem. I may have felt like my parents betrayed me but ultimately I betrayed myself. I had to forgive myself first before I could receive forgiveness from them. This felt like the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I also renounced, bound up, and pulled off my attachment to the place I chose to play in. (Sodom) I sought the Holy Spirit’s guidance for deliverance. I began to believe He would teach me how to embrace the person I was called to be. I had to keep reminding myself that my parents, or anyone who had wronged me, were not the true adversaries. The real enemy was the sin and deception in my life. At that time, I didn’t fully grasp my identity until 2004. I began walking out the idea of being Free.
Sodom was destroyed in my life when I attended a Woman’s Encounter at Living Stones Church. I was at the end of my rope. I said to God, “If you don’t heal me and I don’t encounter you at this event, I am done. I’m going to run to Sodom, live that lifestyle hard, and never look back.” I will never forget this weekend because the Holy Spirit fell on me in an unexplainable way. I met my heavenly father that day. He washed me clean and delivered me from Sodom. Everything that was attached to me was gone. He made me white as snow. I felt completely clean and all defilement was lifted off of me. I recommitted my life to the Lord. I chose to allow him to be my Savior. I let him be the Lord of my life. I surrendered to the will of my heavenly Father. This shift changed the whole course of my life forever and this was only the beginning. Afterward, I found different women who would be my accountability partners. I broke off all relationships that were tied to Sodom. Sodom was destroyed that weekend but now I had to walk it out. The hardest part was not being familiar with the next step of being a woman of God. I trusted God with all my heart so I chose to be obedient to His will for my life. It was harder than easier but I had faith God would lead the way.
Don’t Let History Repeat Itself
I encourage you to pause for a moment. Invite the Holy Spirit to guide you. Break free from the burdens of betrayal. Confront the hidden family secrets, stronghold, and open doors that have held you captive for too long. These deceptions have tied us to Sodom, preventing us from moving forward. Even the “little sins”- white lies, manipulation, sarcasm, co-dependency, and self-justification-that keep you tethered to this place. Don’t allow another moment, day, month, or year to slop away while you remain stuck!
What awaits you beyond Sodom is truly beyond imagination and dreams! I urge you to open your heart and let God touch every aspect of your life. Surrender to His will. Ask Him to free you permanently from the pain and control that Sodom has inflicted upon you. There is so much more potential within you than you not realize! I never thought I would amount to anything but through Christ, I began to experience being more than a conqueror. I stand as a testament to the boundless mercy of God! My willingness to obey Him has broken the generational curses that affected my children’s bloodline in their future. This is why your commitment today is so crucial. Let Sodom end with you!!!
Overcome the Reflection of Betrayal
Years later, the Holy Spirit brought complete healing and restoration to my relationship with my parents. We began to serve in ministry together as a family. We shared the healing power of restoration from our mother and father’s wounds. The more we talked about it, the deeper we would experience healing.
Every day, I strive to embody the woman of God I was created to be. I aim to fulfill the purpose that was set for me “before I was placed in my mother’s womb.” Are you prepared to embark on this journey? I invite the Holy Spirit to guide you and reveal how to face your Sodom. Today, take the step to dismantle those painful memories and label them as “restricted areas.” Let your experience become a testimony of restoration rather than a place of lingering hurts. Avoid longing for the “good old day”.
I encourage you to firmly grasp the Cross and hold on tight! Welcome Him into your life through confession of your sins. He will carry you away from Sodom. He will bestow upon you a new name and identity through Jesus Christ. At that moment, you will be able to wear the CROWN with no shame or condemnation. It will be placed upon your head! Through Him, you are worthy, forgiven, chosen, and qualified! Jesus is the only way!
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